Sleepless again. May be because I had been sleeping so much for the last two days.. May be the medications overload. I don’t know.

So, doing a spot of blog reading and this seriously makes me sad.

I mean, I have never felt that pressure from my parents about my weight or size. Yes, my mum calls me “fei po” in Cantonese (affectionately though), but she always makes me pack food home whenever we pop back to her place. And she always spoons more food for me….while discussing about the different diets. *rolls eyes*

So yes, this makes me sad. And her struggles to lose weight also put me to shame.

Yes, this is the fat blimp who stuffs her face and never bothers with diets or exercise (swimming twice a month does not count as exercise)

And Big, who loves to feed me and who constantly tells me that he loves me as I am and that I am NOT fat, does not help matters. He’s also fond of random praises for me (out of nowhere!) and reaffirmation that he totally adores my figure. So, really, no help at all.

I think the worst enemy is myself. Really, I should be losing a good few pounds (and I am sure my dieting, colon cleansing colleagues agree) but really, I just cannot be bothered. And I am not exaggerating. I stand at 1.68m and my weight is 68kg. Someone please tell me my BMI??

I just love my food too much, and am satisfied as long as I DON’T put on more weight. Maintenance pleases me as is.

I think I have too much self acceptance. I mean, sure I feel a little odd when I see B being a size 0 even after two kids, and she soooooooooo loves to rub it in my face. I feel odd when she pulls up her top to show me her stretchmark-LESS and FLAT stomach. I feel odd of course. But it disappears in about a few seconds, and I am back to having hokkien noodles for lunch and muffins for tea. Whereas she almost never eats lunch and has cereals for dinner. Duh.

The other half also plays a big part. I have friends who are upset that their husbands think they are fat after giving birth. I also have friends whose husbands adore them as much as, if not more than before they had given birth. And the men who leave their wives for a slimmer and younger version… I say, good luck to them. Just don’t come running back when the pasture looks less green. Very often, the spurned wives had already moved on and made a better life for themselves.

But I digress.

Anyway, it is freaking 4.30am now and I am sleepless in Singapore and feeling a little lonely. I sure as hell am not going to wake Big up for a pointless chat as we both need to work tomorrow…. I need to sleep! Pronto!

Damn, I am feeling hungry already. I hate my treacherous stomach. No matter what I am doing, it will always remind me that it is TIME TO EAT. You know those people who exclaim at how they would work until they forget to eat? NOT ME. My dear little tummy will growl and turn somersaults to politely INFORM me that it is INDEED TIME TO EAT.

Ok, I better go fix something to eat before I ramble on and on here.