Candle wick
I am slowly being burnt out like a candle wick. My work is getting crazy. My boss smses me at night and during the weekends. My children want more of me. My body is protesting. I feel my sanity dip to an alarmingly low level.
I can feel the blues coming on again.
I just tried to break it up with Big again yesterday. He would have none of it. My usual reasons of it being extremely unfair to him, not wanting him to be dragged into a huge commitment, etc, my feelings of guilt. He would have none of it.
The accumulation of physical and mental stress, work portfolio (tell me why I have to do his wife’s stuff when she has her own secretary??) the upcoming big ass brand party of which I have to be head door bitch, the acute guilt I have always felt from the beginning of the realationship; they all pooled up in me and I could not take it anymore.
The tears just flowed. I couldn’t stop.
He just held me in his arms, and refused to release me from his embrace or his life.
I love this man but I cannot bring myself to be selfish. He keeps saying that he’s happy. He doesn’t feel it’s a burden, he doesn’t feel it’s unfair, he’s ready for the responsibilities. He keeps reassuring me, but it’s not that I don’t believe him.
I can’t make myself do it.
I really don’t know what to do.
It is indeed hard on you. It is extremely hard to appear strong at the same time. *hug*
On some days you feel up to it (the pressure), on other days you just crumble. It’s part and parcel of life.
I am just glad that your bf is very reassuring and matured. That’s what you need.
Press on. Look at the big picture. In years to come (when legal stuff are all settled and etc.), most of the load will be taken off your shoulder. Not all the load but most.
I had similar shite the last 3 years and only lately that I finally see some light at the end of the tunnel. =)
My dearest horny rabbit mama,if you are going to break up with Big, you will be selfish and being unfair to him because he loves you with his whole heart. It will hurt him as much as it hurts you…
So don’t break up with Big anymore. Trust me, it will not be easy and may not able to find someone like him.
Never gives up k and chins up! Things will look better soon.
Your horny rabbit 1 will always be here to support you… *HUGS*
Gem like Big probably just dropby once in your lifetime so GRAB IT! Dear GRAB IT!
Big is an angel send by GOD after putting you thru all those mistery.
You can quit your job but not quit the man (BIG) who loved you and your children unconditionally
I read your blog from time to time and you deserve to be happy. Big is a great guy who loves you and your kids so don’t please give him up. Things can only get better once the worst is over. =)
we women are entitled to emo-ness every now and then… hmm.. but you must really take a deep breath and try to calm down..
he loves you dearly.. and i’m sure he’s not one to commit to a relationship and not give a thought to the future (responsibilities et al). thinking you’re a ‘burden’ to him and stuff will be insulting his choice (you!), right? =) chin up! big hug..
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