My mum called me yesterday sounding pretty distressed. Apparently my brother got back together with his ex girlfriend who was two timing him. This reunion, accordingly to my brother, was sweet as “both parties appreciate each other better now“. But my mum, who is a traditional Chinese woman who believed in being faithful and virtuous and all that, had the worst impression of the girl. She told me,

“If she can cheat on him then, what makes him think she wouldn’t after marriage?”

I am in two minds about this. On one hand, I think two timers ought to be shot. I belong to the camp of you-choose-one, either-the-old-or-the-new-and-move-on-already and being a one-man woman. So her two timing left a bad taste in my mouth.

On the other hand, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Also, they got back together after a year apart and maybe given time, she had changed. And as long as they are happy together, who are we to object?

But still, this is family I am talking about although it is hard for me (and mum) to really release the apron strings, ultimately we must as he is all of 25 now and honestly, we couldn’t control the situation even if we wanted.

So, I could only shared with him what I went through.

It’s very easy to get married. Get a date from the Registry of Marriages, show up on that date and sign on the dotted line. Voila, you’re married! Can apply for HDB flat! Lada lada.

It’s another story to get a divorce. Lawyers to and fro. Correspondences to and from HDB, CPF etc. Fighting over the matrimonial flat proceeds. Fighting over every damn thing. Meanwhile, the lawyers are laughing all the way to the bank.

And forget the simplistic advertisements on television trying to persuade more people to have babies. Life with children is not all laughter and roses. There is frustration, anxiety, worry and a whole lot of myriad feelings involved. The worst is when you fight over the custody of the children and they are torn between both parents.

I tried to tell him all this, without making him feel that I am shooting down the romance. I just hope that he goes into this with his head clear and his eyes open.

My parents are not optimistic of his plans to get married. I trust their judgment as they also did not like the ex husband back then and they were against me marrying him for the sake of the baby.

My mum, especially, is so worried and disappointed. Imagine, her only daughter, divorced with two kids, and her only son, going to get married to a girl she thinks most unsuitable!

She told me,

“You are a mother now. You will know how I feel. Very gek sum.”

I can feel her anguish and sadness.

I am too.