I didn’t become a mummy in the most conventional ways. Nope, I didn’t need to be wheedled into pregnancy, nor did we go through many years of marriage before getting blessed etc. I was single, flying the high skies, having the time of my life and then I started feeling bloated and nauseous even though I was on the pill. Bingo. I was pregnant.

Torn, shocked, fearful, nervous. Just a few of the emotions I felt when I found out I was about to become a mummy.

I mean, I was 20! I was in the prime of my youth and having fun and freedom in my life! Where does that make room for a baby??

I had thoughts of aborting the baby, thinking I wouldn’t make the best mum to him or her. I thought of giving up flying, even though that might be one of the biggest regrets in my life. It isn’t, but I never think about it without that slight tinge of resignation.

Am I ready to be a mum? Especially with my incredible temper and more incredible need for perfection?

Don’t get me wrong, I am still a bad tempered and impatient perfectionist. I have my moments where I scream at the kids (yes, bad baaaad mum) and I just need to get away from it all.

But despite having times that totally challenge the perfectionist in me, it is moments like this that makes it all worthwhile.

Another reason why I was and still am against abortion?

This letter would explain in the best way possible. I read this ten years ago while I was doing some research online when I found out I was pregnant.. and recently saw this again on Pamela’s blog. I am so glad I did not abort ten years ago, even though did give up a lot of intangible things.

*warning: if you are prone to tears like I am, please refrain from reading further. It made me sob a little.

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now… I so wanted to be your little girl. I don’t quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. I was in a dark, yet
comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.

Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn’t imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, “Mommy, Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me.” Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn’t anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain. It didn’t stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn’t, all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to
you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn’t know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me away to a wonderful place. Then I was happy. I asked the
angel what was the thing was that killed me. He answered, “Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels.” I don’t know what abortion is, I guess that’s the name of the monster.
I’m writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn’t;the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn’t want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful.

Love,

Your Baby Girl

So please, you can give up the child for *adoption if you are not in a situation to give him or her a home.

To those who don’t practise birth control and playing with fire and “luck”, to those who abort because they “can’t bear to lose their figure” and to those who are frivolous about life and abortions, please stay far far away from me. My life is one of sheltered love and optimism and I am not as “sophisticated” and “worldly” as you are.

*edited from typo mistake, thanks anon!!