A friend asked me the other day if I would be having a “lifestyle adjustment”. After all, the first few months of a new venture would be a rough ride and she was worried about my financial status quo.

I asked myself the same question before I started too. Sure, I was apprehensive about it not working out. Yes, I do have a few dollars to fall back on during rainy days, but really that’s not the main issue here.

The real deal is, can I relinquish control? As you all might know, I place a lot of pride in my independence and indeed, my whole sense of security and achievement was in my job, my salary, bonuses, competency, approval of my boss. I took a lot of pride in how far I have come and how I have “survived”. It was not easy for me to leave my last job, but at least I knew that if I need to, I can get another job fairly easily. Good credentials, references and working attitude do go a long way. It was extremely difficult to lose the security of a good paying job in a good sounding company. I do know it sounds very shallow, but bear with me, I am my parents’ good little girl. Their pride in me is addictive. I cannot bear it if they are disappointed with me in any way now. Of course I did a whole load of shit in the past when I was a teenager and gave them lots of grief but that’s water under the bridge. Ahem, moving on.

So, it’s good if my business works out well. It would be disastrous in more ways than one if it doesn’t.

Well, I could always work in ChXXl if it doesn’t work out. 2.55 bag at 30% discount, how tempting is that.

**

Speaking of designer bags, I have imposed a personal ban on myself for the next few months while I take a very conservative view on the business. Overheads and expenses have to be kept low and there is no business for me flinging money on more bags when really, I have no more room to store my existing bags. Thankfully Big doesn’t ever nag me about my bags being stored in all the upper wardrobes, the shelves and on the floor. But still. Even though I am planning proper storage in our new house when we move, for now, enough is enough.

It is also a blessing that I seem to be getting weary of designer bags (fashion fans out there must be screaming blue murder). The thrill of getting a designer bag seem to have evaded me and indeed, I look at all the latest offerings from the brand with boredom. With the exception of one functional practical tote from Hogan this season, nothing excites me at all. (And no, you are so not getting that Hogan tote, Rachel!) I told a girl friend that this might be designer fatigue (if there is indeed such a term!) and my tastes seem to be veering towards vintage finds. Perhaps it is not so strange after all. I have never liked It Bags because I don’t like a legion of clones. I never wore Ferragamo shoes when it was all the craze with fashionistas. I love vintage bags for the nostalgia and exclusivity they invoke. So with the business focusing on vintage inspired fashion, it does work out well for me after all.

**

On the work front, I am my worst critic. Whereas previously, when I did my best and was showered with praise and appreciation from the ex boss, now, I do my best but still, I am displeased with a million things. Press releases not going to print fast enough, not enough stock and not fast enough, the site looks fine now but still not looking its best (I started the business on a blog platform and after one day, threw a fit at how amateurish and unprofessional it looked). Not enough time to do research on fashion sites, business sites, reading up about business strategies, promotional techniques etc etc. I get really furious with myself and I need more time in a day. I need to be like Paddy, who gets a million things done in day and runs on 4 hours of sleep.

I get very inspired and yet humbled by Cobalt Paladin and Paddy’s blogs as these guys who talk the talk and walk the walk. The more I read materials pertaining to business and start ups, the more I realize I have a whole lot to learn about. Strangely, I feel only adrenaline and not fear or dread when the challenges and obstacles come on, especially when it is related to techie and accounting stuff (which my brain and eyes will auto glaze over. LOL) My pet phrase these days seem to be, “this is getting really fun” and “isn’t this fun?!” LOL. Bring it on!!

I should probably also mention that I am a total noob when it comes to business initiatives and strategies and I run on pure instinct. Eg. I shamelessly asked everyone and their grandma to plug for me on their blogs, websites, word of mouth whatever and I did not even know this is strategized as “social media strategy”.

I am totally hopeless.