Yesterday I came across a certain piece of letter writing - the essence of which left much to be desired. Despite my best efforts, I was too sorely tempted. Hence, markings and comments in red.

30 September 2008

Mr Kenneth Jeyaretnam
Mr Philip Jeyaretnam

Dear Kenneth and Philip Jeyaretnam

I was sad to learn that your father, Mr Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam, has passed away. (1 mark awarded)

Mr JB Jeyaretnam was a Member of Parliament for Anson constituency from 1981 till 1986, and a Non-Constituency Member of Parliament from 1997 till 2001. He used to engage in heated debates in the House. Perhaps it was because he and the PAP never saw eye to eye on any major political issue and he sought by all means to demolish the PAP and our system of government. Unfortunately, this helped neither to build up a constructive opposition nor our Parliamentary tradition. Nevertheless, (Irrelevant content and incohesive writing!) One had to respect Mr JB Jeyaretnam’s dogged tenacity to be active in politics at his age. (Half mark awarded)

However, our differences were not personal. In 1993, one of you (Kenneth) wrote to Mr Goh Chok Tong, who was then Prime Minister, to say that you found employers in Singapore reluctant to offer you a job, and your only explanation was that the employers felt the authorities would not welcome your employment because of your name. Mr Goh replied with a letter which could be shown to prospective employers, to say that the government did not hold anything against you, and that employers should evaluate you fairly on your own merits, like any other candidate, because Singapore needed every talented person that it could find. Mr Goh had previously made the same point to your brother Philip, whom he had invited to lunch. Relevance? Immaterial! I am therefore happy that both of you have established yourselves in Singapore. Substantiate with proper reason - eg. their excellent academic grades and professional deliverance.

Please accept my deepest condolences. (1 mark awarded)

Grade - 2.5/ 10

Comment - Self serving, irrelevant, incoherent and clumsy writing. A tad more sincerity and graciousness and a lesser need to ingratiate and “fix” would have been more appropriate.